I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
