so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize