My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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