id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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