i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
