Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
