Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
