The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
