um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
