I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize