by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You are the jesus of drinking
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
