So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
