I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
