Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
