You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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