get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
