I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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