Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
