Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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