On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
