so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
