I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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