This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
