We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
