so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
