We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
