If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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