Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
