oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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