I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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