Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
