I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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