I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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