check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
