sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Randomize
