I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
