Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Text me some of your sweat
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
