Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
