Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
