My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
