im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
