I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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