My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Im part way to drunk.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize