Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
