Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
