Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
