Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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