I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
