sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
