Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
