Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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