How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
