You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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