Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
