Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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