I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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