the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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