so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
worst night to have a conscience
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
