Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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