I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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