Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
