but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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