did you get engaged???
need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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