i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
