Will you blow on my dice?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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