Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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