My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
