I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
