just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
