I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
