remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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