she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Can you bring me the toilet please
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
