I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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