College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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