We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
