So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
