i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
