just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
