The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
