well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
