Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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