oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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