also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
