Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize