I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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