Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
