so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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