hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
