Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
