And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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