I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
