sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
