help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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