There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
