Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
