The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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