people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
