I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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