I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
