Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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